Monday, August 24, 2009

Guilty Pleasures

I am a big fan of the blog and the book "Stuff White People Like". The book really only addresses what they call the "right kind of white people" like--NPR, the New York Times, wineries, being smug, and David Sedaris.

The book is quick to delinate between those "right sort of white people" and the "wrong sort of white people".
The "wrong" sort of white people like things like monster truck rallies and white trash metal like Kid Rock.

I define a guilty pleasure as something the "wrong sort of white people" like. And...I have a lot of these pleasures.
I think it's time to come clean on some of my baser enjoyments. Yes, I consider myself somewhat educated (thank you UT), I get my news from non-mainstream media, and I am reasonably well-travelled for my age. However, having grown up in Texas, and in an uber-conservative, stereotypical, "Texas Cheerleader Mom" sort of neighborhood and participating in dance team...I have some remnants of enjoyments that the "wrong" sort of white people like.

While I consider myself very "blue state" in some ways...I am going to confess pleasures that belie my "red state" upbringing.

It is time for confession. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned against my own better judgment.

1.) Blue Box Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Oh no, this is not organic and is packed not with vitamins and minerals...but chemicals and calories. I think my sister and I subsisted on this alone for many summers of our youth while our parents were working. This is still my ultimate comfort food. I hate that Velveeta upscale macaroni and cheese. It just is not the same. And yes, in the interest of honesty, I eat the whole damn box myself. So there.

2.) VH-1 Reality Television shows. From Rock of Love to Tool Academy, I honestly cannot resist. While stagey and cheesy, these crack me up. And yes, maybe I feel a bit superior while I watch them. But I love them for all their trashiness and DVR them all and get quite upset when the DVR doesn't tape them.

3.) Snapped. This is a show that is on either Oxygen or WE, and it's about women that go apeshit and kill people. What fascinates me is that these stories take one of either two interesting turns--1.) The woman kills someone and the person has been terrorizing them and it truly was in self defense or 2.) The perpetrator is the stupidest, sketchiest, most selfish, and sociopathic criminal in the history of criminals and deserves to be caught and sent to The Big House. I am not proud to admit that I believe I have seen every single one of these shows.

4.) Jon and Kate gossip. This is one I literally cringe to admit and want to hide under my computer desk as I type it. I am NOT interested in celebrities or celebrity gossip, as a rule. Half of the time, I don't know who the hell anyone on the covers of the magazines at the grocery store are or what they're famous for (likely, they're famous for nothing other than being famous). But for some reason, despite NEVER EVER watching the show, beyond the clips that are spoofed on "The Soup" or "The Daily Show", I got obsessed with the gossip that started up a few months ago. My obsession got so bad that I actually started DVR-ing the show. And...I started buying US Weekly. I even...*sigh*....bought an US Weekly to read on the train going from London to Scotland (I hid it behind The Guardian). Oddly enough, I'm over my obsession now that they're divorced. I am proud to say that my home has been US Weekly free for at least 2 months.

And for the record--here are my two cents: Kate may be a controlling bitch, but I think that you have to be when you have 8 children and a stoner/slacker looking husband that doesn't do dick-all but pick up local hussies at bars that are attached to Super 8 Motels. So I suppose she really has 9 children.

5.) Talking about my Dyson vacuum cleaner. Oh yes, when I left my corporate job, I swore not to be a desperate housewife. And I'm still not one, in the conventional understanding of that phrase...I still work 11 aerobics classes a week, so I'm not a true housewife.

But I was desperate about the friggin dog hair tumbleweeds that blew throughout the house from my furry buddies. So I used the remnants of our Macy's gift cards from our wedding to buy a Dyson.

That is not the bad part--that was a helluva smart investment. The bad part...
during at least 2 happy hours with my old corporate work friends...I soliliquied on the glory that is the Dyson Animal Ball vacuum. And I thought to myself..."Really...I am talking about household appliances at happy hour...what's next? Am I going to talk about my favorite dishwashing detergent"?

6.) Roseanne reruns. Call it repression, denial, or survival, but I have forgotten a lot of my late elementary school/junior high life. What I do remember is absolutely loving watching Roseanne on I think Tuesday nights....a show real people could actually relate to. Even at age 11.

7.) Jack In the Box Mini Sirloin Burgers and Domino's Pizza Chicken Kickers. Yeah, I may teach aerobics, but I still love me some fast food. The mini-burgers are the perfect size for me and sharing with the dogs (after I scrape off the onions). At first, I did not want to eat these burgers since they exploited my people (midgets) in the advertisement for it. But now...I am hooked. As for the chicken kickers, I have no idea why I am addicted to these. They're glorified chicken nuggets with just a hint of spice. But they can be delivered to the house. With ranch.

8.) Rap Music. Oh, the more raunchy, misogynistic, and controversial the better. When my husband and I first started dating and he'd listen to the mix CDs in my car, he was astounded by the horrible lyrics I would listen to as a bra-burning feminist. And I was horrified myself. Maybe it's because I worked in a music store in college (don't go thinking it was cool, it was the music store in the MALL) and went to Sixth Street a lot that I had to develop a taste for it. I think that the Ludacris "Word of Mouf" CD lasted in my CD player for about a full year.

9.) Lifetime movies. While insipid and formulaic, I can't resist these. They're perfect for turning on in the background as you work around the house or read. It's not like the plot will confuse you--you will have predicted the ending of the movie from just reading the blurb on the DVR.

10.) Conspiracy theories. Picture Dale Gribble from King of the Hill.

That's not quite so far off from me.

While I don't believe everything (or anything, really) that I read, I love a good conspiracy theory. And just when you write off something as a lunatic conspiracy theory, it pops up in the conventional news as being fact. So there.

And for the record, just because I say that it's a guilty pleasure doesn't mean I feel guilty about it. But someone else might. And maybe I should. But I won't. :)